What Really Motivates Us?
I am once again (yes, been here before) on a personal mission to take better care of my health—and, of course, to lose weight. It is an issue that has followed me for most of my life. A few years ago, I was in excellent shape because I ran long distances. I could eat almost anything without consequence, provided I put in the kilometres. When minor joint problems forced me to stop running, the weight quickly returned. Add midlife hormonal changes, stress and other excuses and here I am.
A recent visit from my mom sparked a conversation about how food was viewed when she was growing up. One aunt would weigh the children and praise those who were heaviest and ate the most. That attitude inevitably became part of my family history with food. Perhaps it grew out of wartime hardship and food shortages, followed by an urge to overcompensate—who knows?
"Drive" - Daniel Pink
So here I am, trying once again to find the motivation to address my weight. In Daniel Pink’s insightful book Drive, he explains that motivation does not come from the places we often expect. Money is not a lasting motivator. Rewards can also be ineffective when they are planned in advance, and fear of punishment rarely creates meaningful change.
Pink draws a clear distinction between what he calls Motivation 2.0 (the old “carrot-and-stick” model) and Motivation 3.0. The former relies on external incentives—bonuses, gold stars, threats of consequences. These can work for simple, routine tasks, but they often backfire when the work requires creativity, persistence, or long-term change. Planned rewards can turn something we once enjoyed into a chore (what Pink calls the Sawyer Effect). And once the reward disappears, so does the behaviour.
Sustainable motivation
Sustainable motivation, Pink argues, is intrinsic. It arises from three deep human drives:
Autonomy – the desire to direct our own lives and choices
Mastery – the urge to get better at something that matters to us
Purpose – the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves
When we exercise in order to protect our health, feel stronger in our bodies, or remain present and energetic for the people we love, weight loss becomes a welcome by-product rather than the sole target. Progress may be slower at first, but the long-term results are often far more durable because the motivation itself is renewable.
Practical Ways to Stay Motivated
Choose movement you enjoy.
If the gym is not for you, try swimming in a lake, walking in a forest, dancing, or something else that gets you moving while allowing you to enjoy the process. If you prefer team sports, look for a nearby squash, tennis or hockey group. Autonomy begins with choosing an activity that feels like yours.
Compete against yourself.
Improving at something can be a powerful, renewable source of energy. Choose an activity that lets you track your progress over time—distance, consistency, strength, ease of movement. Gradually raise the challenge to sustain your sense of mastery.
Reward yourself thoughtfully.
If you meet your exercise goal for the week—for example, by swimming as planned—celebrate with a massage or another healthy treat. The key is that the reward supports the behaviour rather than replacing the intrinsic satisfaction of having done it.
Here's a tip
One final, simple tip: at the end of each day, ask whether you accomplished what you intended. Did you do better or worse than before, and what could you improve tomorrow? As you progress, schedule a monthly check-in with yourself. Review whether you met your goals, where you can improve, and what you could do differently. Be completely honest—your progress depends on it.
Finally, I hope I can follow this advice myself and shed some of this extra cushioning. Whatever you want to change or improve, I wish you every success.
If you need additional support, a Family Constellation session can help uncover family and personal patterns that may be holding you back or need help setting out your goals and work on an action plan, feel free to contact me.